Thoughts Every Woman Has During Her Menstrual Period
That time of the month may as well be called the worst time of the month. Between stocking up on tampons and grimacing your way through horrible cramps, it's not exactly our favorite couple of days. While we can't erase your period (with the exception of pregnancy or menopause), the least we can do is assure you that we're all in the same boat. If you've ever had one of the thoughts below, know that you are definitely not alone.
"Oh look, my period is scheduled to come right on my vacation/honeymoon/third date with the guy I really, really want to sleep with." Because that's how life works, apparently. OK, we're not delusional; we know that there are plenty of times that we get our periods on totally uneventful weeks, but doesn't it always seem to fall on the most important day ever?
"Wait, I'm a day (or an hour) late…yep, definitely pregnant." Even if the most action you've seen this month was on Scandal, this will inevitable go through your head. It may be irrational, but it's there. Call your best friend, she'll understand.
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"But…I have cramps." Whether it's calling out sick, blowing off a party you don't really want to attend, or ordering that second glass of wine, it all gets blamed on cramps. But really, is someone actually punching you in the stomach from the inside? Because that's what it feels like.
"These chocolate cravings are so bad, I briefly considered robbing a Girl Scout." You also entertained the idea of eating Nutella for breakfast, splurging on every peanut butter cup in the office vending machine, and baking yourself chocolate cake a la Miranda on Sex and the City. All valid ideas during your period. But here's an even better idea: Chowing down on iron-rich foods to ease PMS symptoms.
After trying on seven outfits: "Everything looks awful, and I have no clothes." Annoying bloat can last for days during your period—making you feel less-than-sexy in pretty much anything but sweat pants.
"This Law & Order episode is DEVASTATING." It's kind of a cruel joke that PMS makes you simultaneously want to curl up on the sofa watching TV and completely lose all control of your emotions at the first sight of that Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial. Not cool, biology.
"Why does it feel like I've been hibernating since 2007 when my alarm clock goes off?" The exhaustion that comes with your monthly period is enough to make you waste a vacation day. Fight the urge to stay in bed and use these tips for a natural energy boost.
"We have to do jumping jacks in this boot camp class? Are you effing kidding me?!" Your ache-y boobs were uncomfortable just walking to the gym—jumping up and down sounds like torture. Our advice? Pop a pain reliever and find the most supportive sports bra you can find.
"No trashcan, really? REALLY?!" What do I do with…can I just…OK that's going in a balled up piece of toilet paper in my purse, isn't it? Come on, people, it's 2014. Get a trashcan.
"Great, they forgot the spoon with my take-out soup again, and I have HAD it with this day!" Why is everyone against you?! Research shows that hormone-induced rage isn't just limited to the days right before your cycle—it actually continues into the first few days of your period. Lucky us, right?
"Well, now I want to have sex…" Consider this a major counterpoint to all those evolutionary theories that say women are most interested in sex around ovulation. In fact, research shows many women crave sex during their period—whether it's the drop in progesterone or the comfort of knowing you probably won't get pregnant. Hey, we say go for it.
"Phew, it's over. I can finally leave the tampons at home. WAIT—false alarm." Ugh, now it's back and it's angry. Why is it that your period likes to pull a little vanishing act every once in a while, only to come back for one last hurrah?
"OK…NOW it's gone." I think? See, that wasn't so bad. Being a lady is awesome again!
All CONTENT via womenshealthmag.com